Oh crap! It's cupid again?

There are ONLY two kinds of people in this world. The ones in love and the ones who want to be loved...

SIS: ... So, umm... what will you do when 'he' gets back?
ME: [calmly] Well, I'll probably just rip his clothes off and throw him on the bed...
SIS: [utterly shocked] Err... OK. Hahaha...
ME: [Even more calmly] Oh relax, I'll probably be perfectly decent and at least say 'Hello' first.


Don't I just love shocking my sister? Anyway, the 'he' mentioned n the above conversation happens to be the current object of my affection and I have to say goddarnit I'm growing quite fond of the li'l thing, actually more than I'm comfortable to admitting in public. He's a kid, well a kid who's a couple of years elder to me, but a kid nonetheless. All's fine you say but what has this got to do with love... Well, everything actually.

He's kind, smart, funny, innocent and cute but that hasn't got anything to do with why I love him. I love the boy… who choked me with his love and suffocated me when I said I needed my space. The boy who gets enormously bored if I start speaking about something remotely philosophical even though that’s what I love to talk about the most [I’ll be discussing the importance of individualism and objectivism and he’ll say I love you, which is my cue to shut up…] The boy who irritates me no ends with his excruciatingly bad jokes. The boy who is absolutely wrong for me… but I smile for our misfit. The boy who is so naïve yet I’m the one who feels helpless in his presence. The boy who simply told me that he loves me and doesn’t know why… and I love him for all of these things... Unpredictably, unpredictable...

Everything was fine perfectly fine before he came, I won’t say something was missing because it wasn’t. I had the breathing space that I fiercely guarded and all was well. But he came and now my perfectly organized world is gone upside down. Corny as it sounds he taught me to breathe in the same space with someone else. He realized that under the guise of my freedom I was just as insecure and scared of being alone as anyone else and I wanted someone to love me and appreciate me in the way that I wanted to be loved and appreciated. He does not love me and appreciate me like I want him to either… he does it in his own weird li’l way.

He’s gone away for a while now, the while being four months to be exact and I feel absolutely desolate. Miserably in love. And its worse that I’m actually enjoying my misery… Sad how the one thing that I didn’t want to infest inside my brain, dependency, has finally gotten hold of me.

Hmm… though I want it to... I’m not sure whether if this would last forever, I don’t have any idea whether he’s the one; everything other than 'my heart' says he might not be. I can’t say whether he’ll be the last boy I’ll love. But at least I smile more often…